STORIES FROM FAMILIES WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED
ITS EFFECTS
First Time Father
The first three months of the pregnancy were going along fine
then my wife started bleeding heavily from, what we later learned,
was a blood clot in the uterus. After a few days in the hospital,
the doctor told her she needed to go on strict bed rest, possibly
for the entire remaining six months of pregnancy. We have tried
many times to get pregnant, including two, very expensive and
painful in vitro procedures, so we were ready to do whatever
it took to help this baby make it.
What we were not prepared for was the emotional and physical
toll the strict bed rest experience was about to do to us. Speaking
from a husband's point of view it became a very physically tiring
event. Not only did I have to work for 10 hours a day, but when
I came home I also had to be nurse to my wife, mommy and daddy
to our 18 month old adopted boy, and housekeeper and maintenance
man. There was almost no private time for myself. I often collapsed
into bed at the end of the day!
I was fortunate to have close family nearby. We moved in with
my in-laws, despite having just purchased a new house, so someone
could be with my wife when I was away at work. I was also fortunate
enough to be able to afford a nanny for our son when I was gone.
Without the outside help we would not have been able to survive
this.
But my biggest problem was trying to understand the toll it
was taking on me. Not only was it physically demanding but it
was also emotionally demanding. There is the loss of intimacy
with your wife. The loss of private time or down time was making
me irritable. I would sometimes say things I really wouldn't
mean. But when I finally realized that I needed help I did,
as I often do when problems come- I researched it. I looked
for articles and books that would convey other people's similar
experiences and how they would overcome it. Realizing that this
experience was not unique to me was very helpful. Also understanding
what my wife was going through was good to read about. I keep
on reminding myself that no matter how difficult my life was,
I was not the one laying immobile in bed with the life of our
baby hanging on with your every movement.
We got some good advice and we changed doctors to a perinatologist
(an expert in pregnancy complications). This specialist was
able to correctly diagnose my wife's problem and control the
bleeding. She slowly came off strict bed rest. And, a after
a couple of months and a few ups and downs we were finally confident
to move back into our own house. Even though she is now doing
more, she still becomes very fatigued. So its important to not
ask her to do too much. She's improved to the point where she
is now out of bed for most of the day although it's spent on
the couch or at a desk. But the baby is doing well and we look
forward to next month when our little one will arrive.
I know this whole experience has changed me. In a strange way,
I'm now closer to my family. There probably will be some long
term emotional effects of strict bed rest on the both of us.
This remains to be seen. But we finally got our own healthy
little baby boy 5 lbs. 5 oz. at 38 weeks gestation.
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